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Friday, August 22nd, 2003

Time:12:43 pm.

I moved. I hope you add tha_brat to your friends list. :D

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 15th, 2003

Time:5:05 pm.
Mood: depressed.
August 27 is just around the corner and as each day gets closer to it I become more and more depressed. I swear I'm gonna have a heart attack from too much pain in my heart.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, August 11th, 2003

Time:12:20 pm.
Mood: crushed.
My Mom has successfully hurt my feelings the past two days. I'm too lazy to do anything about it though except maybe to hold it as another grudge. I told my cousin yesterday, "Alam mo, sa sobrang laki ng sama ng loob at galit ko sa iba't ibang taong kilala ko, baka balang araw makapatay talaga ko ng tao." That's my biggest personality problem so far, I tend to hold grudges... and for a really long time. And I swear it literally hurts my heart. I might just suffer from a heart attack at very young age.


Anyway, I've managed to upload some of my pictures. You can see it by clicking on -I ain't your average baby girl.- at my LJ user info page. I'm sorry I'm too lazy to make a link in this entry. This is probably the first time I'm going to let my ugly face be seen in public. So... whatever... I'll post my latest pictures here in China soon. :D Meanwhile, enjoy(?).
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, August 10th, 2003

Time:5:17 pm.
Mood: giggly.
According to:
...Hip Hop Name Generator I should be called Queen Lil Mack Z
...British Gangsta Rappa Name Generator I should be called Swizzler



Damn these things are hilarious.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Birthday wish.
Time:4:03 pm.
Mood: hungry.

I want a Nokia 6600. I told my Mom I want it for my birthday. I hope she gets it for me. Waaaaaaaaah.









*I want a pair of K-Swiss too. But I've told my brother that na.
**Ate She says she'll give me 5 hoodies na lang. Wahehehe.
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Friday, August 8th, 2003

Subject:Too addicted.
Time:12:16 pm.
Mood: calm.
Damn, I think I'm addicted to 2 Fast 2 Furious. I've seen it 6 times already. Waaaah!! I love Tyrese and the guy who playes Carter!!!!! Ohmigosh they're both hot. I kinda wish Tyrese dressed like Ludacris though. But I think he's into the sexy image with him being a model and all. Noo-nee-noo-nee-noo - Ludacris rocks...


I've been talking to Simon a lot now. Yeah, I've gotten to know him more and damn, sometimes he can be such an airhead and that turns me off. But well, he's still cool. He's really into hip-hop dressing and he's a dj, I just hate that he doesn't want to go back to school anymore cos he's earning a lot of money na daw. When he goes to back to school, he'd be asking his parents for money daw ulit and he doesn't like that. Now I feel really fortunate that I have a very understanding and supportive mother. She kept me from destroying my future completely and gave me another chance to live a new life... away from all the bad influences and hurtful relatives that used to keep me down. Now I'm gonna try and make the best of it. I hope I don't fail her.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

Subject:Because your kisses make my lips quiver.
Time:4:16 pm.
Mood: bored.
The past few days have been uneventful that's why I haven't really been in the mood for an update. I got into some erasing here and there in this screwed up journal. No point in keeping pointless entries. Everything's pretty much flowing normally in this house. But wait til I start school. I'm bored like crazy and it's only Wednesday.



I swear I need to start slimming down. All the fats have been growing in the most unwanted places in my body like my arms, tummy and my hips. My hips are known to be err, full, so I don't think I need any more resizing. Heh. For all we girls know, it's going to get bigger when we give birth. Damn.

I don't know where and when to start working out though. I'm such a lazy bitch who has a stash of chocoloates and cookies beside her bed. And I just can't stop munching. For chrissake I don't even get hungry for an entire day anymore you know. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. I don't like the thought of me having to buy bigger pants and bigger tops the next time I go shopping for clothes. MUST LOSE WEIGHT NOW. I mean before school starts in a month..



Anyway, I'm seriously reconsidering my plan of going home next year. But, the definite decision will surely come ONLY on the summer of next year. If everything works out here then I JUST MIGHT continue college here. I asked my Mom about it and she said it's okay even if it's a bit expensive.

Right now I'm afraid of what kind of people I'd have to be stuck with for a year. I just had an insane thought of me being a loser to my classmates-to-be. I mean, even if it's for sure that all of us are new to that university, most of them just might be classmates/friends at their previous school... that's why I'm afraid of being left out.

I really hope that doesn't happen. *crossez fingerz* It can't.



I'm driven insane by how much I miss: the feeling of being committed in a serious relationship; clubbing every goddamn weekend; and... cigarettes. It's crazy I actually think about these things at night.

Hah. I'm so weird.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, August 4th, 2003

Time:5:05 pm.
I've added people on my friends list whose journals have been read by me for a long time now.


To those: Well it's hard for me to search for your LJ all the time so... err... I hope you don't mind... ^_^
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Time:4:08 pm.
x. name = angela
x. gender = female
x. birthday = 26 09 85
x. piercings/where= 1 on each ear, 1 on my belly button
x. tattoos/where = none
x. height = 5'5
x. shoe size = 8
x. hair color = black
x. hair length = long

last...
x. movie you rented = too fast, too furious (tyrese! *dies*)
x. song you listened to = how we roll - big pun, ashanti
x. song that was stuck in your head = hot in herre...wahehe.
x. song you've downloaded = no idea
x. cd you listened to = the art of letting go compilation cd
x. person you've called = mah mami
x. person that's called you = no one calls me here *sucker*
x. where else you wish you could live = eastwood city... haha!
x. you think about suicide = thought about once or twice
x. you want more piercings = yeah
x. you want more tattoos = not really
x. you drink = yes
x. you do drugs = nope
x. you like cleaning = yeah i do
x. you like roller coasters = luv 'em

for or against
x. long distance relationships = can't have that
x. using someone = agianst... taz bad.
x. suicide = def against
x. killing people = duh?
x. teenage smoking = i'm for it
x. doing drugs = one time trial is okay with me
x. driving drunk = strongly against

favorite...
x. food = cheesrburger and pizza, hazelnut cream chocolate
x. song = i could not ask for more - edwin mccain
x. thing to do = clubbing, dance
x. thing to talk about = common interests, funny experiences
x. sports to play = i ain't into that... just working out
x. sports to watch = gymnastics
x. drinks = coke, nestea peach, bacardi breezer (cranberry flavor), smirnoff mule
x. clothes = my black zip-up jacket with striped sleeves and collar, blue denim flare pants
x. perfume = happy
x. movies = gladiator
x. holiday = definitely christmas

what...
x. shampoo do you use = pantene
x. perfume do you use = elizabeth arden green tea
x. shoes do you wear = nike cortez
x. are you scared of = ghosts

*5 things you are wearing right now*
1. flower-printed bra
2. bear-printed pj's
3. coke shirt
4. gray scrunchie
5. white panty

*5 things you did so far today*
1. ate lunch
2. e-mailed sherry
3. finished a pack of ritter sport
4. drank up entire bottle of nestea
5. brushed my teeth
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:This is perfect.
Time:3:40 pm.
Mood: blank.
Often when I pass by, I know that you don't see me; Often when I talk, I know that you don't hear me; But no matter how many times you ignore me, I will love you with all I've got until you see me, hear me, and hopefully, love me..
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, August 3rd, 2003

Subject:You know I like that.
Time:6:17 pm.
Mood: good.
School starts here on the first week of September. Enrollment is on the third. And I haven't seen the school. Geezus. I'll have to check it out next week.


So I'm gonna study Chinese right? From what I understand, expats here have to take the Chinese profiency test, and you have to pass that to be able to enroll in a university. Universities have that Chinese language prep program or something. That's what I'm going to take.

Obviously I'm going to be classmates with foreigners.
Let's hope I snag myself a cute nigga. Hihihi.


I want to go shopping shopping shopping for school clothes! This is my first time to go to school without having to wear a uniform. Hmm. *excited*
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Saturday, August 2nd, 2003

Subject:Dawei is Chinese for David. David Beckham that is.
Time:9:48 pm.
Mood: rushed.
Cars are packed in our street. We live a block away from the Workers' Stadium where Real Madrid and the chinese football team are playing...right now. Actually if you look outside from my mom's bedroom window you could see the stadium. Well I did that but unfortunately, I can't see the field itself. Damn.

Javier Portillo. *kilig* Hihihihi.
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Subject:Of a broken fly, hiphopness and cranberry breezer...
Time:10:27 am.
Mood: chipper.
Last night was Hard Rock night.
- new Pinoy band there called The Melt (?)
- retro music so didn't enjoy
- zipper broke so had to buy new pants - got white capris instead (lucky there were bargain shops near HRC)

Went to Vics afterwards.
- first time there and loved it
- hip-hop music, mostly old school
- saw Penny wild, gash
- cute nigga from Johannesburg asked for my name
- after exchanging 2-3 lines was called na to go home (dammit)
- might go to Mix next time instead, was told of younger crowd and better music

Bitin pero fun.

Today is church day.
- ehe. me and cuzin left our flat early and went shopping
- got a cute light blue hoodie and a black zip-up jacket (fall clothes)
- then went to the canadian embassy (where we hear mass), lotsa people
- had dinner at the resto in the bldg beside ours
- ground floor, outside, pretty seats, cool winds, and a big tv set to watch the Real Madrid match

Hmm, oh happy day.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 14th, 2003

Subject:Saved by pure hunch.
Time:7:54 pm.
Mood: relieved.
Otah, muntik na ko mahuli ng nanay ko sa mga kalokokohan kong pinaggagawa sa Pinas. Ngayon lang ako ninerbyos ng ganito na pinagpawisan talaga ko.

Nagiinternet kasi ako tapos biglang sumulpot nanay ko sa pinto tapos pinapakuha sakin yung mga pinadevelop niyang pictures, napilitan lang talaga ako. Buti na lang tinanong ko sa kanya kung anong mga pictures ba yun, sabi niya yung mga nakatambak lang daw sa bag niya. Pagkasabi niya non, nagkakakutob ako na kasama dun yung film kung san nandon yung mga hinahanap kong ibang litrato. Yung film na yun hindi niya dapat makita talaga kasi yun yung mga tipo ng litrato na pag nakita ng nanay mo at obvious na ang mga kuha ay naganap sa kwarto mo tiyak katakut-takut na sermon ang abot mo. Dahil sa kutob na yon, nagmadali akong pumunta sa sa pinagpadevelopan niya.

So ayun kinuha ko na nga. Hindi ako agad lumabas ng shop kasi inisa-isa ko nga yung mga photos. Pucha, tama nga ang kutob ko, nandun yung mga hinahanap ko, after realizing this, ayun, pinagpawisan nga ko sa kaba. Ewan ko bakit pa ko kinabahan e dapat nakahinga nga ko ng malalim e kasi nga hindi yun nakita ng nanay ko. Nandun yung mga pictures ng mga lalaking kainuman namin. Kaibigan naman sila pero siyempre hindi yun maiintindihan ng mga magulang ko. Nandun yung naghahalikan sina Celina at Boyong. Naknampucha, ako kumuha ng mga pictures na yun e, ako pa ang nagintruct na medyo pag-layuin nila yung mga muka nila para makita yung dila nila. Shet, para pala ko talagang tanga non. Tapos mga kuha namin na may hawak na Chivas. Yung kuha ni Mikko at ni Aaron na sabay naligo.

O diba, pag nakita to ng nanay ko papatayin talaga ko. Sus. Buti na lang talaga. Tangina.

Pagdating pa dito sa bahay binilang ni Mama yung mga litrato tapos hinanap niya yung iba. Tapos sabi ko nasakin kasi mga pictures ko yun. Siyempre ginusto niyang makita, o di pinakita ko sa kanya yung iba. Mga 9 pictures lang yung pinakita ko, pero ang dami pang ibang nasakin. Hinanap niya din yun pero sabi ko ayaw ko. Pinilit niya pero siyempre, there's no way I'll let her see those pics. Buti na lang she stopped asking for it.

Puta eto pa, after a few minutes pumunta na naman siya sakin tapos dala-dala niya yung mga negatives, at tinanong niya kung ano ba yung mga ibang litrato na yun. Tangina shet bakit sha ganon!!!!! Harr... Ang ginawa ko na lang inagaw ko tapos sabi ko "Ano ba?!" Nakakainis naman kasi masyadong inusyoso. Pucha.


Haay wala lang. Salamat sa kutob ko.
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Friday, June 13th, 2003

Time:2:50 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Woke up at 7. Damn. My parents, my bitchy cousin and I went to this place for a health check-up. It's needed for our resident card application. I hate to think about it, but yeah, looks like I'm staying here for quite a while. </p>

The whole thing was supposed to be an entirely long  process (as told to us by my bitchy cousin, my brother and his wife, who have all gone through the same process a few years ago), I mean ECG's, X-ray's, stuff like that, but, to our luck, they considered my dad's situation (he's in a wheelchair). Most of the equipments were located on the second and fourth floors and THEY DIDN'T HAVE AN ELEVATOR. Most buildings here don't have any ramps. And
there must be ramps... for disabled people. There's supposed to be a building code for that. I know there is such in the Philippines.

Anyway, there was this guy who approached us and asked if we spoke Chinese or English. We said "English" of course! Anyway, this same guy attended to us through the whole process. We're lucky the people there gave priority to foreigners. Everything became so much easier for us. They also gave regard to my father's situation. That guy talked to some people and said we will only climb up to the 2nd floor. Everyone sighed of relief. But eventually, we found ourselves doing our activities on the 1st floor only. And I certainly ain't complaining. We were placed first in line in the blood extraction area. Then first again on the x-ray. And I was the only one who had to go through x-ray. I guess to save them from the trouble of having to lift my dad to a standing position. The next and final stop was at the blood pressure exam room. Only my dad was examined. This was a private room and there they filled up our whole form. I mean, they filled it up... for us. The guy who assisted us filled the whole form by himself. It was funny. For all I know, they only wanted to get rid of us immediately. There were really long lines for everything and
they made us go first. We didn't undergo the other med processes whose equipments are located else than the 1st floor. Haha. I guess to save themselves from all the hassle too.

Afterwards I was starving. What I hate about blood extraction is that we can't eat twelve hours before. It was still too early and we didn't know where to eat so I suggested McDonald's. Guess what I had? Egg Sausage McMuffin, Large Fries, Large Coke, Double Cheeseburger, Apple Pie and Chocolate Sundae. I know, I know, and I know I have a big appetite. But, I was really hungry. Hmph. Naturally, I ended up real full.


On our way home, I felt dizzy. And you know what happened next? I barfed. Luckily we had a big extra plastic bag. And I think I puked the entire meal I ate cos afterwards the bag felt like it weighed as much as a litre of Coke. Eek. I think it's because I was so hungry then I ate my heart out. Hah. It's bad pala. 

Sorry about the car. Everytime we go out with my dad, we hire this driver and
his car. This morning I barfed on it. Embarrassing.



Hindi ko maintindihan ba't di mapantayan ang kasiyahan na nadarama tuwing
nandiyan ka.


I don't understand why nothing can equal the happiness I feel everytime you're
near.

 

Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003

Subject:Now that I've lost the power to pretend, I guess you could see right through me.
Time:12:15 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
I've been thinking much lately. But thinking gives me pain and reminds me of how stupid I've become.


This is the story of why I'm here.

China has been like, rehabilitation for my clan.

My aunt used to work here, and now my mom. In previous years, we only go here for vacation. But then, everyone back home who had problems, or were thought to have problems by our parents were sent here.

And now I'm here.

My story? From the good and active student that I used to be, I became this super carefree person who was always out on gimmicks. I was always in that place. I would go out even on school nights. I would hang out with the same bunch of people. These same bunch of people stayed at my house for a month. I allowed other friends to go to my house for almost nightly drinking sessions. My room smelled like a bar. In fact it was like a bar. Loud music. The smell of liquor. The strong smell of cigarettes. I let myself loose.

I don't regret these things though, I regret that I let go of my focus on my studies.

But these things would not have happened if I had not let myself get so affected by a break-up. I've been through so many break-ups. Why was the one which started most beautifully cause the worst disaster in my life when it ended?

I got involved in this perfect relationship with someone. Yes, it's Arwin. Everything in my life fell into its place. Everything went well. Yes, I would sometimes skip classes but then, my notes would remain complete and no lesson would be left unclear. The break-up came. Unexpected to everyone. I remember one conversation with a friend during one of my ranting days, I said, "You know how much I love him." And my friend went like, "Yeah, we love him too."

The day right after we broke up, I came to school, in a daze, without any concentration at all, without interest. It started that day, and I don't think it ever came back. Add my dad's stroke attack and no one was there to keep things right for me and guide me.

I seeked comfort and support in the wrong place. Err, at least now I know it's the wrong place. I seeked refuge from my gang. And slowly, everything s l o w l y but surely shattered.

Naligaw ako ng landas.

Why did I not turn to my old friends? They're the ones who have been there for me for more than six years. Why did I let only my negative thoughts on them surface? Those things were so shallow.

If I had turned to them instead, I'd probably be at home in the Philippines, listening to the rain, relaxing.. perhaps talking to Karissa on the phone, raving about what life would be in sophomore year.. or at the mall smoking at the billiards hall, chatting with the squad.. you know, doing normal things. I can't believe how fun these simple things were.


Unfortunately...
I'm here.

And so is my dad's but it's only because he's here for the Chinese Traditional Medicine. Acupuncture. Herbal stuff. One of my dad's doctors gave him this herbal ball which is really gross. It's the size of a jackstone ball and it smells like soil. And I bet it tastes worse than how it smells. What sucks is, he has to chew on it before he can swallow because it's too big to just err, swallow. Anyway... I see him everyday and my heart breaks, half of his body is paralyzed and he thinks differently now. He used to be this strict and smart lawyer, now he's helpless and stubborn. But he's still my dad and I never loved him any less.

I think I have to be stuck here for a year or so. I hope my dad gets on his feet and starts walking again by himself. By that time, he would be on his way back to the Philippines, and maybe, I could convince him to take me with him. Hmm, he probably would.


I can't believe I would be celebrating my 18th birthday here. I planned it to be grand. But now I doubt I'd be celebrating it at all. A year ago, my mom told me we would go to Florida and visit Disney and Universal Studios with my dad. This plan is fine with me but, I don't think it would push through though. I'm trying to be positive about my dad's recovery but, I don't think he would be walking by September.

Harr... so much for my 18th birthday. For my siblings' 18th birthday: my brother was given a party with 3 drums of beer and a car, and my sister celebrated with 300 people.

For them, I'm the worst daughter so I'll probably get the worst party. Fun. *pukes*




This song is beautiful. Joe Crack the Don. Heh.
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Friday, June 6th, 2003

Time:6:10 pm.
Mood: sore.
I'm suffering from the worst toothache I have ever had. It was after eating those pork chops at lunch time when I felt this bad throbbing right at my upper left molar. It's so bad, I swear. My left eye is actually all teary, heavy and blurry from the pain.



Anyway, I just realized how fat I've turned out after all my mindless eating since I got here in China. It's my parents' anniversary today and we're going to this music lounge in Hyatt and I have absolutely nothing to wear. My clothes don't fit anymore. I mean, they do, but, they're all too tight for me to be comfortable in. Haay.

I don't know when to start cutting on my food intake. All this bumming really leaves me no choice but to eat and slack. There's really nothing to do here that would make me at least drop a sweat.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, May 30th, 2003

Subject:You are the first song my heart ever heard.
Time:5:47 pm.
Mood: thoughtful.
...watching us fade, what can I do
but try to make it through the pain
not one more day without you...




I had a fun day. Our helper here who used to work for David's Salon gave me a foot spa plus pedicure and manicure and eyebrow threading. And FOR FREE. Pretty neat huh. All the foot-scrubbing was really effective as my feet feel real soft now. ^_^

We've ran out of DVD's to watch. The last ones I saw were X2 and Animatrix . Heck, the only two copies available of Matrix Reloaded here are both not good. Can't wait to get a hold of a copy. We're supposed to buy a Phone Booth DVD but my brother's friend told him it's only some cheap movie that's like something you see on daily TV shows. Anyway, I'm into Band of Brothers again. I'm into Part 4 palang and already I want to slap myself for forgetting how much I loved the series and Damien Lewis (as Major Richard D. Winters).


We might go shopping this weekend but Sharon (my brother's wife) said that if things get a little hectic tomorrow, we might push through with it next week. I heard my brother and his friend planning for a trip to Blue Zoo. I've been there a couple of years ago and it's an aquatic zoo and a sort of like a planetarium only they show fish
and octopuses and stuff like that... but I wouldn't like to call it an aquarium, hehe.


For a week now I've been craving for banana muffins and oatmeal cookies. Apple muffins and chocolate chip cookies arrived today... instead. Geez.




*I think I sound stupid.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 29th, 2003

Subject:I'm the only piece of tha puzzle ya missin'
Time:4:28 pm.
Mood: embarrassed.
A couple of days ago, my Mom told me Arwin called (back in the Philippines) looking for me. She said Arwin spoke to our maid, telling her I hadn't told him I was going to China.

I e-mailed Arwin confirming his call. I got his reply just about now, and he said didn't call. And asked how I was, blah blah.

In short, napahiya ako. Maybe he thinks nagffeeling ako na tatawag siya.
Asa pa ko. Geez.


I told him, "Honestly, I didn't really believe my Mom when she told me you called. I know naman hindi mo babalakin tumawag e."
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, May 26th, 2003

Time:6:05 pm.
our love was perfect.
i thought you were perfect.
perfect for me.
you said i was perfect.
pero madami akong kasalanan.
but i loved you perfectly.
pero pag naiisip ko yung mga kasalan ko sa'yo,
sinasabi ko sa sarili ko,
maybe i deserve losing you.
but i still think we should have stayed.
together.
mistakes can be corrected, can be forgiven.
had i done too much?
or you just didn't love me enough?
i dare not question what you felt.
i know it was much, much more.
but i felt that much too.
and i know what was in my heart was far more.
sana tayo pa rin.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for ¤angela¤.

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